Everyone has their quirks. That annoying trait that’s unique to just them and in the end, you just get used to it (or you keep trying to). I don’t know if this qualifies as a quirk but I know this isn’t peculiar to me. So here goes.

I plan mentally. I unconsciously do it. It’s not just about the future or how to be rich or stuff that give more than half of the world’s population blood pressure. Could be about packing. If I have to pack my luggage the next day, I unconsciously start doing so in my head. To unpack, I do the same thing. To do this or do that within a period of time, all begins in my head so that it’s executed as well as it can be.

Now that all sounds fine and dandy till there’s a kink. A kink in my system. This of course will force me to adapt to the change. Then another kink appears and another, till I’m on my bed crying and watching episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. to drown away my sorrow.

I don’t have OCD. Let’s get that out in the open. I just don’t like anything to mess with my system in my head. But life of course doesn’t listen to me a lot. Something happened earlier this week that caused me to curl up on my mum’s lap and at that exact moment, I would have deleted all my Harry Potter books if it meant I could be five years old again (well not all though. Maybe half a page of a book). My system was messed with and I tried to adapt. I really did but it didn’t work. I wanted to cry in her lap and forget.

At five I was fair, smiley and not stressed at all. My only stress was that I was always five. I asked my mum everyday how old I was and she kept saying five. Where the heck was six at? If I could go back and talk to me back then, I’d tell me to enjoy being five because being older is no picnic. I’m still fair, love to laugh but I’m stressed. About a lot of things. Yet, life loves to mess with my system by throwing kinks my way.

A lot of us love to be in control of specific orbits in our lives. It’s not a bad thing. I love to be in control too. But you see, if we don’t learn to adapt to those kinks life throws at us, we’re going to lose the little bit of control we have. My mum told me that night that since she’s known me, I have never seen a hurdle and not jumped over it (she definitely did not mean this literally. Sports are not my thing). I am that strong.

Yes I’d love to be five again without a care in the world but I’m not. Life threw the kink of aging at me and I’m adapting to the consequences that come with being older. It’s a daily struggle but yes I am that strong.

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